In this week's Poetry Friday segment, KNAU listener Beth Duschatko brings us a short, but powerful poem about body image and domain. She is raising her two daughters to have more confidence than she did at their ages, modeling self-love and strength and trying to ignore stereotypes and judgements driven by consumerism, media and even government. Today, Beth reads an untitled poem by Rupi Kaur.
BD: Hi, my name is Beth Duschatko. I live here in Flagstaff. I’m a nurse and a mom to two little girls.
The poem I picked actually doesn’t have a name. I think of it as, ‘I Want to Apologize’; that’s how it starts. I picked it because this book of poetry – I found at the store one day – I just picked it up, and I was reading it later that night and realized that this poet, Rupi Kaur, does what all great poets do and can describe exactly how you’re feeling, like, really succinctly. And so I got to this one poem, the one that I’m going to share today, and it really spoke to me kind of on two levels: As a woman and as a mom.
As a woman, I spent most of my life hating how I looked, not liking how I looked, not feeling enough, and not having enough self-esteem. And so, this poem kind of brings it back and tells you it doesn’t matter how you look. That’s not the most important part. And for me, even at 40 years old, it was kind of mind blowing, which seems silly to say, but, it was.
And then as a mom to 2 girls, it just really kind of echoed that feeling in me wanting to break the cycle of bad body image and low self-esteem due to how you look and putting so much attention on how you look. I think we as women do that a lot; ‘Oh, that guy doesn’t like me because I’m not cute enough, I’m not skinny enough. I didn’t get that job because I’m not pretty enough’, or whatever it is. But in reality, who we are as women is so much more than what we look like.
So, ever since my first daughter was born, I made a really concerted effort to change how I talk about myself in front of them. I never say anything negative about my body. I would point out how strong we were, how strong legs help us ski better, or ride our bikes faster, or run faster. And I really tried to reinforce to my girls their curiosity and creativity and kindness and humor and intelligence are what make them amazing people, and not what they look like.
I think it’s unrealistic to say they’re not going to care, because I think so much of society focuses on how women look, especially, and I think that starts at a really young age. You see a little girl and you say, ‘Oh, you’re so cute. You’re so pretty. I love your dress.’ And you don’t necessarily focus on, ‘Wow! I love how you solved that problem.’ Or, ‘You’re so good at math’, I mean, math is kind of a generic example, but. So, I’m sure it’s going to show up somehow, but I think them just not thinking they’re fat, you know? Not thinking that they have to diet, not being ashamed of their strong legs and using it as a plus. It makes them better athletes.
Before I share the poem I do want to dedicate it to my mom and my two daughters, Lily and Emilia and really all the women that are still learning that they are strong and powerful and so much more than how they look.
By Rupi Kaur
i want to apologize to all the women i have called beautiful
before i’ve called them intelligent or brave
i am sorry i made it sound as though
something as simple as what you’re born with
is all you have to be proud of
when you have broken mountains with your wit
from now on i will say things like
you are resilient, or you are extraordinary
not because i don’t think you’re beautiful
but because i need you to know
you are more than that
Poetry Friday is produced by KNAU's Gillian Ferris. If you have an idea for a segment, drop her an email at Gillian.Ferris@nau.edu.
